Caring without burning out - the dilemma of being a carer
- Elissa Burton
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Three million Australians (12% of the population) are caring for a family member or loved one [1] and many are aged over 50 and often dealing with health issues themselves. Amazingly, unpaid caring saved the Australian economy $78 billion dollars back in 2020, yet very little is voiced about how important carers are to society and what is being done to help them.
Many of you reading this month’s blog will have been a carer at some point in your life. For me, I was part of the “village approach” to help my Grandma to live at home until she died. Mum and Dad built a granny type flat onto the side of the family home so that Grandma had her space, but it allowed them to be there too, with Mum being the main carer. I was still living at home for the first year, and my sister was on maternity leave, so we all had our roles to play in helping Grandma, particularly in her last five years. Back then part of my caring role was taking annual leave from my job so that Mum and Dad could go away and get some time to recharge their batteries. In the structured sense this is called respite, but in this case, it was family providing it rather than say a disability or aged care service – much less paperwork involved that’s for sure!
I have heard stories from other carers who haven’t had family willing to help and they’ve had nowhere to turn. Their GP has even recommended dropping their loved one at Emergency and then them taking the time they need to stop their burn out and recharge both physically and emotionally. Society isn’t in a great position though if this is our only alternative to caring for someone and needing a well-earned break!
There have been several reviews conducted looking at carer burnout, how to avoid it, and what carers need to be able to care for long periods of time. It doesn’t appear to matter though if you are caring for a child with a disability or you are an older person caring for your spouse or sibling, many of the issues are the same.
Carers want education, skills training, problem-solving, respite and most importantly emotional support. They need to be recognised within the health system and have the ability to somehow find time to maintain their own health and identify outside the role of carer, which can become all encompassing.
I have already touched on respite a couple of times. This is a continual issue for carers and I don’t think there is any easy solution. For older adults it might be a short stay in residential aged care, but the carer needs to know they have a place available many months ahead of time, particularly if they are going overseas. However, residential aged care organisations can’t have empty beds waiting for when people need to have leave and a rest. The aged care sector is struggling as it is, how they can have a system that allows people to come in and out at different times for short periods is challenging and then you need to think of the paperwork!!! It is hard enough starting with My Aged Care, but needing something for short periods on and off, this can be enough to stop the carer in their tracks and just simply give up.
If you are a carer or have a friend who is a carer there are some things you can try and do. Again, they sound good on paper, but when you are in the weeds and trying to survive it all these things can be challenging to organise and I understand how difficult it is to prioritise yourself as the carer. If you know your caring is long-term, it is essential you look after yourself and some of these ideas may help:
- Protect your physical health: make sure you attend your GP appointments, if you are unable to be the carer anymore that may make it difficult for the person you are caring for too. Remember you are the person they always look to, when there is an issue with you, they will likely become anxious and agitated because they are worried about you and what will happen to them.
- Make sure you get enough sleep, that you are moving throughout the day and you adhere to your medications, when these things drop off and you no longer do them it can affect your health in a number of ways.
- Seek out emotional support, be it professional or informal from friends or family. If you don’t get what you need the first time don’t give up hope, keep trying till you find that person that listens and is supportive.
- Create a “care team” or for us it was a “village”: This can be family or available support services that can provide respite, community services and social support. It has been shown that carers who access formal supports report lower burden and are able to cope better than those trying to do everything themselves. Not every family wants to be involved, and that’s ok, but there are services available and it could simply be your loved one attending a day centre or a class or day trip that is enough to help you. If it gives you a little time that can be exactly what you need.
I realise a lot of this month’s blog was about the realities of being a carer, which can be challenging. I did however want to finish on the positive parts of caring for someone. The experiences we had with Grandma I still hold dearly and think of often. Whether it was driving to her favourite café in Cottesloe to have a coffee and cake, seeing her tapping away to music in the car to a song we did not expect her to like so much, taking her to Target every year so she could buy all of her grandkids vouchers for Christmas or helping her shower and dress for the day ahead, we had many laughs along the way. Caring for someone is a fulfilling, amazing, tiring and tough experience, but I wouldn’t change any of it.
If you know of someone who is caring for a family member or loved one reach out and see where you can help. It could simply be a coffee and chat about something other than caring, and you might find ways that you can help during that conversation rather than waiting for the carer to ask.
Dementia Australia has a 24/7 support line that you can call and ask for help. They can give you practical assistance but also emotional support too with what you are going through, call 1800 100 500. It is free and confidential
Carers Australia is Australia’s peak body for carers. You can call 1800 422 737 to find out if you are eligible to access services offered by the dedicated team of Carer Gateway service providers across Australia.
If you are reading this from another country, do a search and see what is available for you in your local area.
Talk with your GP, let them know that you are a carer, this is an important aspect of your life and they may be able to assist you and guide you to potential services in your area that can help.
A friend who has been a carer for over a decade received some good advice from a social worker once. The social worker said “I often say you’re a carer, not a saint.” Remember you’re human too and to give yourself grace.
Most importantly though thank you, caring can be a thankless job but is incredibly important.
Live the good life!
References
[1] ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics) (2024a) Disability, Ageing and Carers, Australia: Summary of Findings, 2022,- external site opens in new window ABS website.
[2] Carers Australia. (2022). Federal budget 2022–23: What it means for carers. Carers Australia